“everyone has their off days” I tell myself 15 days in a row
I'm Sophie and I live in my bed and watch netflix continuously.
I don’t know how to say this any other way;
You fell in love with a natural disaster.
You fell in love with the reason that storms are named after people.
I have destroyed everything that has crossed my path and left nothing but wreckage and questions behind. I have washed away every god damn house that any man has built within my ribcage, but I still have shards of each and every one of them, and they tend to surface every time the skies turn grey.
They crumbled so easily, and allowed my waves to wash them away without any resistance. I suppose their foundation was not strong. How could it be? With eyes only for the skin stretched over my bones, and the idea that I could keep them safe from the storm, they were blinded by the reflection of the sun.
I am not a lifeboat, or shallow water to bask in. I am the storm that they seek protection from. I am nothing more than metaphors and bones, wrapped in skin that has been tainted by the touch of unloving hands.
you are the moon
and the sun
and the sand beneath my chaos.
You pull me closer when I push myself away.
you are so fucking radiant.
you have not once collapsed beneath the weight of my self destruction.
And although my waves continue to crash over you,
then turn to kiss you right after,
you do not falter or fray.
you simply hold me
and remind me that we were made to coexist
and allow yourself to be engulfed by everything that I am
and for that,
I will never tire of collapsing in to you.
The joy of a psychedelic is when you have the balls to go into the darkness and all of a sudden you realize that darkness was a complete illusion. All the darkness and negativity and spooky shit and guilt and fear and crap you thought was inside you, and all the bad things you thought you’ve done, and all the things you feel terrible about secretly…you realize that’s nothing. İt’s an illusion. The universe loves you, you are completely embraced by the entire universe. You are an incremental part of the functioning of the cosmos. You are an incredible, wonderful, perfect fucking thing. And when you get a glimpse of that, it’s the greatest feeling ever. Because you’re healed. Because that’s what true healing is, man. True healing is realizing you were never sick in the first place. True healing is realizing you just had a little bit of dust on the windshield man…you brush it off you know..that’s all, man.
Do you ever just wish you could unmeet someone? like maybe they were great up first, or even for awhile. But then they cause you so much pain and sadness that it wasn’t even worth the good times. So now they’re just stuck in your life, in your fuckin thoughts. You want them out but nope, forever they’ll be part of you.
1. When your friends ask you to hangout, and you don’t feel like it, don’t go. Don’t ever do things halfway or do something that makes you uncomfortable. With everything, give all of yourself, even the pieces you never knew existed.
2. It is okay to not know. Everyone always despises the phrase, “I don’t know” but no one tells you that it is okay to not know. The becoming is more important than the being, anyways.
3. If someone ever makes you feel less, in any way, you have every right to walk away. You have every right to cut out toxic people in your life. To close the door on people who make you feel bad about who you are or what you stand for. Friends don’t tear down, they build up.
4. Loss is always going to happen. Just like paint will always chip and rain will always fall, loss will always be part of life. No matter how much I don’t like it, or avoid it, it is going to walk my way at several times in my life. Learn to embrace it and learn to get closure.
5. Give yourself a chance. Stop saying, “I don’t think I can” or “But what if I am not able to?” and give yourself a chance. This may be cliche, but try to believe in yourself. When you get older, your knees won’t work the same and you won’t have the best memory, and you are going to wish you’d given yourself a chance years sooner.
6. Fall in love. Don’t be guarded before you fall in love. You could fall in love three times and still not find the right one, but none of it is going to make “the one” matter less. Don’t fall into that idea that your first love has to be your best love. Fall in love as many times as it naturally happens.
7. Firsts are going to be messy. First loves, first kisses, first dates, first failed tests, first college class, first time you drive a car, first time you ride a plane - first times were made to be imperfect. Just because it’s messy and all over the place, doesn’t mean it can’t be good or worthwhile.
8. You want another scoop of ice-cream? Go get it. Get three more scoops of ice-cream if that is what you want. “Fat” is not the opposite of beautiful and it is not the opposite of happy. Don’t let anyone tell you that your body type isn’t beautiful. Beauty is a social construct, create your own, become your own.
9. Let yourself be alone. Loneliness is not a bad thing. It is healthy and normal. Everyone needs to spend a good portion of their life alone. We learn who we are when we are alone; life is less crowded and more clear when we are alone.
10. If you aren’t happy where you are, change it. Quit your job, move, become a vegetarian, get a new hobby, pick up an old hobby, whatever you do - make sure it benefits you. Life is too short to not be alive, to not be passionate, and overflowing.